PADV in the News Event hopes to open teens' eyes to dating violence The Atlanta-Journal Constitution By Gracie Bond Staples At the offices of the Partnership Against Domestic Violence, a young mother remembers a moment when she was 16 and cries. The boy she was in love with had started beating her, and all she could think about were the first five months when she believed he loved her, too. On the telephone, a local radio personality remembers the moment she was sure her boyfriend would kill her and finally summoning the courage to leave him. For years during their teens, they endured verbal, physical and emotional abuse. For years, they were too embarrassed to give words to their suffering. Not anymore. Each of them -- Hot 107.9 host Beyonce and Erica Bullock -- talked candidly recently about their experiences, putting a face on what has become an alarming trend among teenagers across the country: dating violence. In fact, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, one in four teens report verbal, physical, emotional or sexual abuse in their dating relationships; another study found 24 percent of 14- to 17-year-olds know at least one student who has been a victim of dating violence and yet 81 percent of parents believe teen dating violence is not an issue. The issue will be at the forefront March 13 when the Partnership Against Domestic Violence's Teen Scene holds its Spotlight on Teen Dating Violence: What’s Your Role? Beyonce will host the event and help facilitate the panel discussion, which will include PADV’s teen prevention advocate Jil Swift; teen dating violence survivor Trish Roberts; and Amarinthia Torres, family violence prevention certification coordinator for the Georgia Commission on Family Violence. Bullock, now a 23-year-old mother of three, including twins, hopes telling her story will give other teens the courage to seek help. When she met her boyfriend in 2003, she was a popular junior at Central Gwinnett High School. She was an honor roll student who played varsity basketball and softball. The day she met him, Bullock said, it was as if “the heavens opened and sang.” He was like the perfect Southern gentleman. They talked about every thing. He called constantly. She enjoyed the attention. But just five months after meeting him, Bullock said everything she did seemed to upset him. He didn’t want her hanging with her friends. “I lived in this little hole always afraid,” she said. One night en route to a department store, her boyfriend started to scream and slap her. He pushed her out of the car and left her on the side of the road. What should’ve been the end of the abuse, Bullock said, was just the beginning. As the abuse escalated, Bullock lost more and more of herself. She started experimenting with drugs. Every time he beat her, she said, she forgave him. Every time she left him, she invited him back into her life. She blamed her bruises on the rigors of basketball, and when she found pamphlets about domestic violence left by her mother, she convinced herself they had nothing to do with her. “I was in denial big-time,” she said. Finally in November 2005, her parents intervened and shipped her to a wilderness program in Utah called Passages to Recovery, where Bullock was forced to deal with her destructive behavior. “It was the best thing that ever happened to me,” she said. She graduated from the program 45 days later on Jan. 1, 2006, then headed to Safe Harbor Treatment Center for after-care in Costa Mesa, Calif. “Everything he stripped from me began to get back in place," she said. "I finally realized I deserved better.” Swift said that stories like Bullock’s and Beyonce’s are typical of the teens she meets at the Partnership Against Domestic Violence, which last year reached more than 3,000 teens. “They don’t realize the dynamics of violent relationships,” she said. “They think it's all about physical abuse. They don’t understand that verbal and emotional abuse can be just as damaging.” It’s why Beyonce wanted to participate in the event. “It’s one of those things that touches so many people, but they don’t talk about it because they’re embarrassed,” she said. The radio host said her boyfriend started abusing her shortly after she dropped out of high school and moved in with him. At first, she said, he was very controlling. “Then it got physical,” she said. The abuse continued for the next five years until at age 21, Beyonce said she believed he was going to kill her. “We were having a conversation about having kids, and I said I wasn’t ready,” she recalled. “He threw a lamp at me, put a knife at my throat and strangled me to the floor.” A neighbor called the police, and that day, she said, she finally moved out. Today, she said, she is saddened to see so many teens being abused. “I see it all the time, guys in clubs jerking girls around, in the mall parking lot,” she said. “They don’t realize they’re in a cycle and unless they stop it, it’s never going to end.” Spotlight on Teen Dating Violence When: 9:30 a.m. to 2 p.m. March 13 Where: Carl and Mary Ware Academic Center, Clark Atlanta University Participants must preregister. For more information, call the Partnership Against Domestic Violence at 404-870-9603 or visit www.padv.org. There's also a statewide crisis line at 1-800-33-HAVEN (1-800-334-2836). |