PADV: Partnership Against Domestic Violence

Teen Dating

What would you do if you thought your friend
was in an abusive relationship?

Most of the time, violence in a relationship takes place when the couple is alone. You might not see dramatic warning signs like black eyes and broken bones. So how can you tell for sure? For one thing, listen to your instincts. You probably wouldn’t be worried without good reason. Here are some signs to look for that might mean your friend is in trouble and needs your help.

When your friend and her boyfriend are together, he calls her names or puts her down in front of other people.
He acts extremely jealous when she talks to other boys, even when it is completely innocent.
She apologizes for his behavior and makes excuses for him.
She frequently cancels plans at the last minute, for reasons that sound untrue.
He’s always checking up on her, calling or paging her, and demanding to know where she has been and who she has been with.
You’ve seen him lose his temper, maybe even break or hit things when he’s mad.
She seems worried about upsetting him or making him angry.
She is giving up things that used to be important to her, such as spending time with friends or other activities, and is becoming more and more isolated.
Her weight, appearance or grades have changed dramatically. These could be signs of depression, which could indicate abuse.
She has injuries she can’t explain, or the explanations she gives don’t make sense.

What if it’s you who’s in danger?

Are you afraid to disagree with your partner?
Does his/her temper scare you?
Is he/she very jealous?
Does he/she call you names or yell at you?
Does he/she try to control the way you dress or who you see?
Has he/she threatened to harm you or commit suicide if you leave?
Does he/she throw or break things in anger?
Does he/she hit, shove, slap or kick you, or force you to have sex when you don’t want to?

Here are some recommendations to stay safe and maintain peace of mind:

Talk with your friends about what you are going through so they can support you and look out for you.
If you can, tell your parents what’s going on, especially if your ex might come by your home.
Talk to your school counselor. Together you might alert security, adjust your class schedule or come up with other ways to make you feel safe.
Avoid isolated areas at school and local hangouts, and don’t walk home alone.
Stick with a buddy at parties you think your ex might attend.
Call your local domestic violence hotline for other ways to stay safe.
If you are in danger, call 911 immediately.

--- www.loveisnotabuse.com

Victims may stay in an abusive relationship because they...

...feel responsible
...think that jealousy and possessiveness are signs of love
...may not realize they are being abused
...have no one to go to
...are inexperienced with dating relationships
...feel pressured to be in a relationship
..have a lowered self-esteem
...don’t want to think the person they love is hurting them
...may believe the abuse is their fault
...hope that their partner will stop being abusive
...believe they are in love
...are not ready to leave their partner

Abusers may abuse their partners because they...

...feel like they have the right to control their partner
...feel like they may lose respect if they don’t have control
...believe that aggression solves problems
...think they have special rights over their partner
...are peer pressured to act violently
...may have learned it at home
...are influenced by violence in the media, society, and peers
...have an aggressive personality
...feel the need to be in control

Even though an abuser may have an excuse for his or her abusive behavior, ABUSE IS INEXCUSABLE.

---www.teensagainstabuse.org

If you are interested in having a PADV representative come to your school or youth group to talk about dating violence, please call 404.870.9600.